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One Side: Beth

Sometimes I'm recorded while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her social media – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of a decade, Marielle, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a bit, but it strains our friendship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to document everything all the time. During meals out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when other people see her performing for the camera – I get vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but she is trying to be. She makes video blogs about city life, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. On occasion I'm captured while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I might be no makeup on, an awkward face or be captured mid-bite. It feels invasive.

She also anticipates that I will to record her at inconvenient times. Often I’ll be talking to another person, or we're simply spending time in the street. I feel like our bond has turned into me serving as her free crew. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my discomfort about this arrangement, she brushed it off. I've been invited to several brand events, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I invest helping her create material.

I appreciate that Marielle has supported me with my design career, but I don’t want our friendship to become just a ledger of favours. I don't believe she’s fake or inauthentic, but at times I feel that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and record me laughing with another. It feels forced. It's crucial her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I enjoy being with her, but I also desire to experience it without being recorded, edited, or posted for an viewers. I’m not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Other Side: Marielle

I want my friend to see that the content we make together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about shooting content. It's more than a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online allows me to express myself and engage with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your passions. I look up to people on TikTok who pull off that aesthetic of informal, self-made content creation.

Creating content is my interpretation of living actively: noticing the nuances, sharing them with an viewership that appreciates the art behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uncomfortable. Bringing her to industry events was my way of offering access, giving her a chance to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her professional path too. That’s not leverage, it’s just being realistic.

I would take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see what the content we make together can achieve: a foot in the door. I understand not all people likes being filmed, but often spontaneity is what makes material genuine. Being recorded from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I'd remove anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my private videographer, but friends help each other in small ways. My assumption was recording a short video now and then would be enjoyable for her. Creativity thrives in collaboration, and having Beth around makes endeavors energetic and pleasurable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I would never intentionally embarrass her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I document our time together.

I cherish our friendship profoundly and want to avoid making videos to come between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like requesting permission before filming, and avoiding angles that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about power, it’s about sharing my world while still considering hers. Clearly making content is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I experience life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and Beth when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a companion film you. I get that it's her passion, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to create content with. Given the uncertain future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance every time, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn't imply all those around her is willing material. She must to honor Beth’s personal space.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love making content and displaying her life online, but it’s not for everyone. It’s nice she has assisted her friend professionally, but she must to listen to what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you value each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the focus in your friendship. Foster some authentic memories, where genuine feelings are stored, not online archives. Even celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor genuine when they're together – she's on the job. Both seem confused as to where the line is. The answer is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each setting defined boundaries around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been exploiting their friendship?